|
|||||
 |
I call that a good day. For those who are still unaware, we had to say goodbye to Copper last Friday. Even after everything we had been through with him, even knowing for weeks that our time together was limited, I was still surprised by how quickly it all happened at the end. At . . . → Read More: I laughed more than I cried today. Sometimes I think my depression diagnosis is just flat wrong. I think a lot of people might think that because I’m the queen of the Public Face. I am good at hiding the fact that often I can’t say what I need to, I harbor unshareable thoughts and put out a shiny face because . . . → Read More: I confuse myself. Today is September 21 and I just figured out why I’ve been in a rotten, low down, hide under the covers mood for the last two weeks. No one has ever accused me of being overly bright. I don’t want to remember that day. I tried really hard to avoid all the anniversary coverage . . . → Read More: I am so with it. I’m moody and snappy and irritated beyond all reasonable limits given the relatively happy situation ’round these parts. My thoughts are tilting noticeably to the blackhearted and ugly and I hate that. It’s not who I am. It’s weird at times to sit here and type away, sharing so much of myself and my family . . . → Read More: Unshareable thoughts shared. I just heard the song “Serpentine” by Chris Bathgate. Beautiful. This one line spoke to me. I’ve had so many days like this when my depression is raging. One brash phrase could crush this fragile day as my thoughts swirl in some shrill, sad cannonade. I’m glad to not be there, at least for today. I thought I was better but I wasn’t, not really. I’m embarrassed and angry with myself. I’m right back to square one and really just want to go back 5 months and slap myself silly. Just read this. I’ve written before (here, here and here) about my struggles with depression. It’s not something I enjoy talking about. I’m not embarrassed by it, I just have a hard time explaining it to people who haven’t experienced it so it’s just easier to not bother. Also, it’s not like it comes up in casual . . . → Read More: The public face. Posts about my previous treatment for depression can be found here: Part 1 and Part 2. I am not sure this really was round two for me. I had struggled with depression for so long before I hit bottom and needed treatment in my mid-20′s but it was not a constant feeling of depression. I . . . → Read More: Depression round…two? (This is an FX Memory, from before I knew I was a carrier, read Part one here: A migraine saved my life.) After my intake evaluation it was a relief to finally be told that they wanted to admit me. My parents were totally shell shocked by how badly I was doing, I am . . . → Read More: A migraine saved my life (part 2) (This is an FX Memory, from before I knew I was a carrier.) I’ve struggled with depression since my teens, possibly longer but it was in my teens that I first recognized it for what it was. For ten years I muddled along and then I simply could not take one more step. I had hit a . . . → Read More: A migraine saved my life. |
||||
|
Copyright © 2012 Basically FX - All Rights Reserved |
|||||
