At loose ends.

I don’t know how else to describe myself these days but to say that I am at loose ends. I’m not very good at grieving, I guess. I expected the tears. I expected to keep being brought up short when my Bubba wasn’t where I expected him to be. I expected the emptiness. I expected to be constantly tired. I expected to be revisited by my old friend insomnia. I didn’t expect this restlessness. This feeling that something is missing that stays at a low level in the background of my consciousness all day, everyday…even when I’m otherwise occupied, even when I’m happy.

Sometimes I look at Barley (aka, the other dog) and I get the feeling that he’s there with me, just as lost, and I feel awful that I don’t know what to do for him. I guess there is nothing to be done. This isn’t something fixable. I had hoped that having Copper back home would help but Eric picked up his ashes over the weekend and this is still there. I know time will help but, despite feeling like time is moving way too fast in every other way, it seems at be running at a snail’s pace in this regard.

On a happier note, Monkey is feeling mostly better and he returned to school yesterday! We were all very happy and when we got to school he had more cards from friends. They made me smile, there are a LOT of hearts and a LOT of love in these…click on each image to enlarge.

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