Yesterday was Monkey’s very first day of kindergarten. In some ways this was not a big deal because, really? We’ve put our precious boy into the hands of total strangers twice before ((The third year of pre-school he had the same teacher and therapists as his second year which was nice.)). I’m an old pro at sending my child off into a feared nest of vipers only to learn that my fears were out-sized and overwrought. I’m an old pro at overwrought.
In other ways this was very, very new and scary. I doubt I’ll ever get over that ache in my heart and that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I take his little hand from mine and press it into his teacher’s hand. I doubt I’ll ever be able to turn and walk away from him, leaving him uncertain, worried and in the care of people I haven’t yet learned to trust, without my throat tightening and my eyes burning. I doubt I will ever be able to get in my truck and drive away feeling anything less than dread.
Fortunately, yesterday, I had a fantastic distraction in the form of a friend and her mom. We toured the city, talked and laughed which spared me a day of hand-wringing and aborted calls to the school to check on him. A while after lunch I finally got the call from Duhdee that Monkey had had an awesome day. He even brought home a couple tentative art projects which showed he wasn’t completely shut down. We have a weekend to recoup now and we’ll get started on all the real work on Monday. We can do this.
Who am I kidding? HE can do this. I just need to stand next to him and keep knocking down the roadblocks so he can.