I often wonder what it is like for Caleb when he doesn’t have the words he needs. Fortunately, he’s a fairly calm kid who deals with frustration well…he basically dismisses it entirely. He did not get that from me. When I am frustrated I am quiet too but I don’t dismiss it, I stuff it alllll down until I explode…mostly over the wrong things. The explosion helps, but it’s not very healthy.
Right now, I don’t have the words I need. My life has been twisted inside out and the last two months in particular have been awful…full of grief and anxiety. Full of fear. This past weekend my gorgeous, funny, loving BFF was here. We both needed the time together, her life hasn’t been any easier than mine lately. I knew I needed the time and I was holding myself together until she got here and then I thought I would fall apart. But the most amazing thing happened, I suddenly discovered I could breath again. The knots loosened, the feeling that there was a fist in my chest squeezing my heart and lungs just…disappeared.
By the time I got home after dropping her off at the airport though, it was all back. It’s crushing me now…maybe it was before too but before it had built slowly…this felt like a ton of bricks coming down on me. I know I need to do something. I need to find a way to fix this. I find ways to be awesome for Caleb and to make him happy, I wish I knew how to be awesome for me. All I know is to stuff it down, ignore it, cover it over, hide from it…I have a million different ways to do it but it doesn’t make it go away. It doesn’t make me happy, I miss being happy.
24 thoughts on “Frustration.”
I totally get it. I know that shocks you. I’m feeling crushed to. Determined to get through it but lost at how, although the solution seems obvious… We need to live together. We are both better when we are together.
Love you. I’ll try to think of more realistic ideas but be patient, I’m going to be stuck on this “we should live together” one for awhile. It’s the answer I like the best even if it makes me more depressed because I can’t make it happen.
Maybe jumping from a plane will put life into perspective and scare out our depression and frustration?
At least it would be a new way to distract ourselves!
I’m sorry I only get to see/hear what’s posted on Facebook. I knew you had been quiet of late and wondered if things at home were not as they once were since the medication stopped. I wish I knew what to say or do for both of you. I didn’t realize it had been so HARD. Although not the same I have days too but I usually go to the two of you for advice, venting, etc. So much better for me than a therapist although I have one of those too (just in case). I just want you to know I am here for you anyway I can be to hug you, support you, love you, etc. It’s a small thing I know when you want answers, solutions, etc but it’s all I have at the moment. I hope it’s somewhat of a comfort. Love you! xoxoxoxo
Kaitlin Jackson liked this on Facebook.
Sorry for your sadness. We are not super human beings-it is not possible to always be happy and cheerful. My mom would always tell me “this too shall pass.”
I hope your feelings of sadness and frustration pass soon and you are once again at peace.
You are also blessed to have your BFF- even if she does live several states away.
I’m so sorry Melissa. Maybe we need to do an impromptu FXMNO or FXM day out!
Nicole Grady liked this on Facebook.
Ahhh – we are a fun group lately huh?!?! Where is the magic wand/lottery winnings for birch house? I’m with Holly on the unrealistic solutions focus…..
I’m sorry M. Maybe summer sends us all into a tailspin.
<3 our thoughts are always with you Keep the faith! Grampy Welin knows how you feel! Frustration = S........
sorry, I agree, summers suck.
Nancy Furman Hertzig liked this on Facebook.
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Sorry you are feeling so down- I am thinking of you today.
I wish I had the answer for you guys…I really do.. Just know you have some friends that know what you mean….
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RT @basicallyfx: Frustration.: http://t.co/sNhU4gA82I