So, it’s not all sunshine, roses and unicorns flying out my butt.

I am republishing this post from February 21, 2010 for two reasons.

  1. I think it is pretty darned funny with almost a year of separation from the incident, and
  2. The company that takes the photos is still, almost a year later, trying to convince me to buy the photo from that visit! I’ll add the photo at the end.

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I try to focus on the positives here though I do let loose with rants from time to time1. When talking about Monkey I always, always, always list the ways in which he rocks, the funny things he’s saying and the huge strides we see him making. Who doesn’t prefer to rave about their kids?

But we still have those moments when we just want to lay down where we stand and quit.  Knowing that we are going to have these moments for the rest of our lives is just *sigh*.  We had one on Friday.

Last week was school vacation week and, for a variety of reasons, we managed to do nothing.  I finally put my foot down and insisted that I get off ONE of the days that I had been scheduled to take.  Naturally, Friday dawned with an amazing array of utterly ridiculous work issues that I was dealing with on my BlackBerry and getting progressively more angry over.  I finally, not so graciously, told them they needed to just deal on their own…I was out of coverage…really!  It’s good to start outings with a positive attitude.  Ahem.

So The Plan (dundundun!) was to take the train to the Aquarium.  TRAIN!  TRACKS! PENGUINS! everyone/I agreed it was genius.  15 minutes on the train and Monkey decided he was “all done?  Allll done?  ALL DONE!!!!!!” but we hadn’t even crossed the city limits.  *BIG GRIN* just for the b*tch staring at us from across the train!

Once we got downtown we had to decide whether to walk the last 15-20 minutes in the cold wind or take 2 more trains and walk 5 minutes in the cold wind.  Monkey had bounced back!   He was eager for another ride on a train so we took the 2 trains and it was fine.  Then we got off the escalator, at street level, and Monkey said… “Grampy?  Home? DOGS?” in that voice.  You know, that voice that means the day is over, give it up, go home…he is done.  Blah.

Screw that.  We’re going to see some damn penguins.  We had to wait in line for tickets and Monkey was a mess.  Great!  Then some crackhead insisted that we needed to take a picture!  A souvenir of our lovely trip!  That you can buy after your visit!  She got one shot and a “No, we’re done.” when she started squeaking a fucking WHALE in our faces to get Monkey’s attention.  He promptly went limp noodle, of course.  OMG.  And we hadn’t even bought the tickets yet!  Are you screaming “JUST GO HOME ALREADY!” yet?  You should be.

$55 later we had 3 tickets in hand and we stopped to take a deeeeeep breath by the harbor seals.  Or “WHALES!”  Whatever.  He calmed down.  I calmed down.  Duhdee was studiously avoiding all eye contact with me…I wonder if I had my crazy eyes on?  Huh.

Anyway! Through the door we go!  Hand stamp?  Check!  Bathroom break?  Check!  8 billion other crazy ass parents each with their perfect 2.5 kids?  DOUBLE CHECK!   We’re having a good time now!  Monkey?  Not so much.  He was, once again, stuck on the “Grampy?  Home? DOGS!” channel.  I wish it came with a mute button.

Fortunately, the penguins are right inside the door.  We were able to get him a relatively undisturbed viewing location and once again…calmed down.  Then, after 10 minutes or so, someone (*cough*Duhdee*cough*) suggested maybe we could go look at other things.  Fool.  He was happy-ish…and most certainly not whining…why MOVE?  But we did.  Aaaand the “Grampy?  Home? DOGS!” channel came on full blast.

We somehow made our way to the top of the big tank, dragging our Monkey (and tails) behind us, so we could look at the turtle.  And a creepy ass eel.  And a lot of other fish and sharks that I couldn’t really focus on because I was holding Monkey up over the half-wall (that he couldn’t see over, way to design for the kiddies, guys!)  and trying not to drop him into a 3-story, shark infested, tank…with barracudas.  Good times.  But!!  He stopped whining!  He relaxed and laid his head on the half wall, bending my back in ways it was never designed to bend.  Even if it meant needing a wheel chair to get home, I was NOT MOVING HIM.

Eventually, though, I had to.  My back was screaming, he’s a big boy! As soon as his size 12’s hit the floor…do you just want to guess what happened, because I’m sick of writing it.  We skipped 2/3’s of the Aquarium but at that point I could not have cared less.  I feel confident that our fish-to-dollar ratio was reasonable even if our dollar-to-minute ratio was not.

Then we got back on the trains…all 3 of them…again and Monkey was “all done?  Allll done?  ALL DONE!!!!!!” for most of it…I think.  I may have entered a fugue state2.  We finally dragged our thoroughly exhausted behinds through the front door so Monkey was HOME! and could see GRAMPY! and the DOGS! but instead of being, you know, happy…he burst into tears and had a fit over the fact that I was NOT WEARING MY PAJAMAS ALREADY AND WE’D BEEN HOME FOR .25 SECONDS I’M THE WORST UMMA EVER!!!! WAHHHH!

So, yeah, it’s not all sunshine, roses and unicorns flying out of our butts around here.  Come to think of it…Friday was just about as much fun as having a unicorn and roses…with thorns…flying out of my butt!

***THE PHOTO***

Just prior to the squeaky whale that sent us over the edge.

Don’t we look like we’re having *fun*? I’m holding his shoulder in a useless attempt to stop the impending limp noodle. Duhdee is already braced to hold him up. BIG SMILES EVERYONE!

  1. if you’re new here or a first time visitor…check out the School category, it’s where I have posted most of my stroke inducing rants…oh dear lord I just re-read some from 2008 and it all still makes my blood boil! []
  2. FYI, I use these random words just to make Duhdee look them up in the dictionary []

17 thoughts on “So, it’s not all sunshine, roses and unicorns flying out my butt.

  • February 22, 2010 at 2:28 pm
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    We’ve avoided the aquarium specifically because of its poor design. And in our case, it could have just as easily been one of our “typical” kids ruining the day with an outing like that, but you gotta try from time to time. Good for you for trying!

    Reply
  • February 23, 2010 at 6:19 am
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    I loved this post, sorry to relish in your terrible day, but I just had to laugh at your suffering and I was so ever glad you shared it with me, it made my being sick and grumpy on and off for like 25 days not seem all so bad, though i could only just imagine a day like that. Holly isn’t talking yet, but already she is starting in with the “All Done” signing it like she is having an epilectic fit, and of course the going limp, she isn’t as big as Monkey, but trying to get an almost two year old to walk, who suddenly goes limp and falls to the ground, all 26 punds of her, not so fun. She knows she can do that and escape my grasp and then quickly get up and run int he oppisite direction. I also felt better that I am not the only one who refuses to give up and go home when all signs point to doomed, I just sometimes can not let go to my “plan” and get stuck, not matter how much daddy and holly would prefer to be anywhere but where we are at the moment. If you ever want to feel better about your day, watch a super nanny rerun of a mom trying to take her 4 tantruming toddlers out to the park Fun times!
    .-= Holly’s Mom´s last blog ..The Saga Continues =-.

    Reply
  • February 23, 2010 at 4:49 pm
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    OMG! I’m sooooo sorry the trip sucked, but it was a good post. You wrote out exactly the way most of us would feel, but not be able to put into words. Now I know I’m not crazy. I love the random word thing! Gonna hafta try that. Jim thinks I’m smart with words and usually trusts me in scrabble w/out a dictionary….hah!

    Seriously, I kuddos you as well for taking the trip. That’s a great Umma!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  • February 23, 2010 at 9:12 pm
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    I don’t mind if folks get a good laugh…by 4 AM on Sunday I was seeing the humor. My poor MIL was shocked by my language (sorry!) and amused that I only “bleeped” one of them…probably the least bad of them, even.

    The limp noodle is the single most annoying thing Monkey does. It makes me INSANE. Of course, mostly because he does it in places where it cannot be safely ignored. The whining I can ignore…I just go to my happy place.

    I have to thank my HS friend Jennifer for inspiring the post, she read a bit here and decided I was patient…HA! I realized I needed to clear up that misconception 😉 I know every parent goes through this stuff…we just never seem to see the end of it! So, my sisters (and Len), rest assured you are not alone the next time this happens to you!

    Holly’s Mom…I hope you all manage to shake the sickness…this has been a very bad year for everyone I think. Monkey, Duhdee and I have been sharing various forms of the ICK since December!!

    Fragilemom…Duhdee won’t play Scrabble with me but I know for a fact he wouldn’t trust me for a second! Of course, I make up words all the time so Duhdee sometimes doesn’t believe that a word I used was actually a real word and he does some fact checking. I love messing with him 😉

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  • February 24, 2010 at 3:29 pm
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    Plus the fact I am sure that your spelling is much more accurate than his for playing scrabble. I am so sorry my son!

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  • October 19, 2010 at 6:52 am
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    “Grampy? Home? DOGS!” channel. I wish it came with a mute button.

    OMG, this so rings bells!
    Sorry to laugh but that was great, I look back and laugh at days like that (it’s every time we walk out the door to go anywhere but sometimes it’s way worse than others and you have to see the funny side), they aren’t too funny at the time though.

    My youngest bozo uses the ‘HOME’ channel all the time, we go away for the month in August as the thought of being stuck in the UK with lousy weather, unable to take them out because there are”PEOPLE” scares the heck outta me, instead we spend it in a villa in the sunshine in Spain so they can splash and swim in the sun for the school holidays, and we get to relax (sort of). But, from the moment we leave until the moment we get back (and sometimes even once we’re back) little bozo wants ‘HOME’, if you listened to him you’d think he hated our annual Spain trip but he remembers every detail and tells anyone who’ll listen (obviously only people he knows and not ‘PEOPLE’) all about how “bwillaint” it all was!

    My worst day ever was sitting in a shoe shop on the floor trying to wrap my arms and legs around both my boys at once to stop them from hitting/kicking/headbutting me and throwing shoes at the circle of women who had surrounded me and were making judgmental comments about how my children should be slapped. The whole situation could have been avoided if the assistant I’d spoken to, explaining that I would wait outside until it was my turn to get them measured and why? Moment later I was called into the shop, asked to take a seat and left for 10 minutes, in this time the boys became more and more upset at being in an envirnoment they couldn’t cope with. I ended up sobbing on the floor with a bloody noes and numerous bumps(whcih later turned to bruises) all because an assistant didn’t listen. When they’d eventually worn themselves out I managed to get them back into their major buggy and leave without having had feet measured or having got shoes!
    From that day on I’ve drawn around their feet onto a piece of card and taken it to the shoe shops on my own whilst they are at school and fitted their shoes that way.
    I was a total wreck for days after that incident, more so because I’d let them (the pointing women) win, I’d alway managed, up until then to keep control until I got to the car, where I could then let the tears come behind the tinted windows. On that day I felt totally broken. It’s funny now when I think what it must have looked like from the outside but it wasn’t at the time 😉
    These days I know their limits and don’t let myself get into such situations …………….. funny how they always manage to raise the bar when you think you’ve cracked it!!

    Reply
  • October 19, 2010 at 6:56 am
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    Oh man, note to self ………………. read what you’ve written and correct typo’s before hitting the submit button! You can guess what the mistakes were supposed to say 🙂

    Reply
  • January 4, 2011 at 7:43 pm
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    If this is the Boston aquarium I can say ditto with the addition of screaming through the IMAX movie we paid extra for. Happy outside watching seals, I should have stayed outside. Positive said that crazy ramp is fin to go the wrong way down really fast with a stroller or wheelchair! Whoohoo normal kids eat your heart out. Also spinning toys in the gift shop first, oh yeah definitely first!

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  • January 4, 2011 at 7:52 pm
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    It is the Aquarium in Boston. We’ve never tried a movie of any sort! Screaming will likely be our first experience, lol.

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  • January 4, 2011 at 8:37 pm
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    Popcorn.lots of popcorn…and ear plugs for everyone else 🙂 the best movie was wall-e Jake was laughing so loud and rocking his wheelchair so hard I thought he’d flip it over! Some so woman had the nerve to shush him. It was a matinee and her kids had been running up and down the aisles. I made sure to say “some people are solo rude…and will let their kids just run rampant!” really loud 🙂 then when Jake started bouncing and cracking up I joined him 😉

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  • January 4, 2011 at 9:08 pm
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    I like solo rude, lol. I think we might try to do a sensory friendly movie but they only happen once a month and we need to wait for one that he’d like.

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  • February 11, 2012 at 3:28 pm
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    I’m sorry but this story made me giggle out loud. I have one about a certain train ride with both of my fx boys that makes me almost laugh now. Thanks for sharing!

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  • August 11, 2012 at 2:39 am
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    Had to read it again…because yep, I can do this:)

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    • August 12, 2012 at 1:20 pm
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      Yes, you CAN! We’ve even gone back since 🙂

      Reply

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