Study update – Week 3

Study update – Week 3

If you want to know how Week 1 and Week 2 went, check out those links.

I wish I had something amazing to say about our study experience but so far…we are just not seeing any major changes here. As much as I tried to prepare myself for the possibility of getting the placebo, I was really, really, really hoping for something else. As much as I am reminding myself that we very possibly might be on the placebo a new fear is creeping in…

What if he’s getting the full dose, and it doesn’t work for him?

Of all the possibilities that I ran through in my head, I knew that this was one of them. But knowing it and knowing it are very different once you’ve left the land of “what if” and are standing smack dab in the middle of “what is.”

Not all of the boys on the study have improved on this drug. We knew that from the stories people had shared and we knew it from the researchers and FX experts we’ve seen. This drug is doing amazing things for some of the kids participating on the trial but no one ever, ever, ever said this would be the cure…that this would fix it.

As a parent, I want nothing more than for someone “in the know” to give me some guarantees but they can’t. In all likelihood, this will help some but not all. In all likelihood, we’re still looking at a combination of drugs to fix what our one little broken gene has done. It’s supremely frustrating.

I keep reminding myself to be patient, that we are less than 2 months away from knowing for sure what the outcome will be on this particular drug. That whispering voice is becoming more and more distracting though. I find myself gazing out the window lost in thought trying to remember what it was like before. I find myself watching Monkey’s every move trying to decide if he’s doing more or less of that particular behavior. It’s enough to make a Mama crazy, and this Mama really didn’t need any help in that department!

51 more days. We’ve got this.

This is why we are doing it.

This is why we are doing it.

I am, you may have noticed, an upbeat kind of person. I’m totally in love with my son and want everyone to love him just as much. That absolutely influences how I view, and consequently how I write about, our lives.

I try to share the good, the bad and the ugly…I try to go for balance but I acknowledge that the slant is more toward the good. Mostly because my life is slanted towards the good and partly because I’m just that damned determined to make it good.

So. It comes as a pretty rude wake up call when I find myself sitting in my office chair with an aching back. A back that is aching as a result of a very public wrestling match with my 71 lb, 4 foot something or other, 8 year old. He’s good, he’s so, so good and yet I needed him to do something last night that was way, way, way outside his comfort zone.

The more flustered I got, the worse the situation got…remember, I am still learning to listen too and sometimes I suck at it. Finally, I looked at my flushed faced, teary eyed cherub and glared at him. “TIME OUT. SIT.” He sank to the floor on his knees and it was over. He looked at me several times, with those big, big eyes that I love so much, and I just shook my head. Once he had regained some composure I gave him two options. He could stay in time out until Daddy was done or he could go into the voting booth with me. He chose the booth, we finished voting and he helped put my ballot into the voting machine-thingy and we went home.

It’s times like that when it is so very clear how much anxiety has a grip on him. I am in awe of the inner strength of this child who on a daily basis not only fights this battle but most often wins.

Today, we’re all better. He’s happy at school and though my back hurts it’s serving as a reminder that there is a beast who lives inside my son and makes his days so terribly hard. It’s serving as a reminder of why we are so focused on better treatments and ultimately a cure.

Please, please, please let us be on the placebo because such a sweet boy shouldn’t have to keep fighting this hard.

Study update – Week 1

Study update – Week 1

We’ve started on the Week 2 pack of the study drug so I thought it would be a good time for an update.

And the update is…

We’ve seen nothing. Caleb was still too anxious and shy to participate in Halloween in any way. His social anxiety is still just the same as always. We haven’t seen any changes in language or behavior either. There have been no reports from school that he’s suddenly doing X, Y and/or Z.

What does that mean? Nothing! We may be on the placebo, we may be on a very low dose or we may be on the full strength drug and it’s not going to work for him. We I am not stressing out about this or worrying over it. We went into this assuming he would get the placebo. We are going to reserve all judgement until we are on the trial extension in January.

I wish I had better news but I’m glad I don’t have worse news like…he’s become a total aggressive nightmare and we are dropping out. Which would really suck!

On the positive side, Caleb is taking the pills 3x a day (at least 4 hours apart) and he’s taking them without anything but a sip of juice to eliminate the flavor after it melts in his mouth. He’s taking them, to quote Eric, “Like a big boy.”

Speaking of a “big” boy…I have something to show you…

Do you know what that is? Do you???

That is my baby’s feet ((Encased in Crocs, I KNOW but he loves them and whatever, there is never an argument over shoes when he wears those. So, fashionists leave me be!)) very nearly touching the FLOOR in our truck. The FLOOR! And, to make it worse, he’s in a booster seat…if he wasn’t his feet would be ON THE FLOOR. *sob* I hate these little reminders that my baby is growing up so fast!








Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
by Dr. Seuss

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…

 

Today, my sweet boy, after 6 1/2 years…we finally leave that most useless of places. The place where we could do nothing but hope and wish and dream. Today, we are off on a grand adventure and I’m so honored to be on it with you and your Daddy.









And it begins…

On Friday, Eric took Caleb on the final screening visit for the Phase III STX209 drug trial. We did the phone screening ages ago, September, 2011 to be precise, and I wrote about it at that time (STX209 – You’ve heard of it, right?). That was when we discovered that, in order to do the study, the Celexa would have to go. There are no SSRIs allowed during the study.

We started talking about taking him off the Celexa then…and we continued to talk about it and drag our feet and gnash our teeth until August of this year when finally the stars aligned. The doctors and study people were all ready. Eric was ready. It was just up to me to say, “Let’s do this.”

It wasn’t easy. There was one moment, the night before we started the washout period in August, when Caleb looked at me with such love and trust that I very nearly pulled the plug on the whole idea. How was I going to take away something that I knew was helping him for a chance that we might get something better. I spent a long, sleepless night crying and finally decided to go with what has gotten me through all of the hardest steps on this journey...hope.

Prior to this visit, we had received a long e-mail from the study coordinator so we knew what to expect, we just hadn’t expected Eric to have to do it alone. It broke my heart to miss this, it was so unfair to leave the two of them to go this alone but it couldn’t be helped.

They began by reviewing the study and signing the consent form to go forward with the study. After that there were more forms. Of course there were more forms!! They included a basic demographic form and medical release forms so the study doctors and coordinator could contact and share information with Caleb’s doctors. Eric watched a short video explaining the main questionnaire used throughout the study, the Aberrant Behavior Scale – Community (ABC-C), and then he filled out the actual form. He wrapped it all up by completing the Visual Analog Scale questionnaire.

Then he met with the pediatrician, she reviewed the study criteria, his medical and surgical history, current medications and did a physical examination with Caleb. One of the things she did was an ASD screening. What Eric and I found interesting is that Caleb only met two of the criteria. Interesting since C has a PDD-NOS diagnosis. It’s interesting how many different opinions we have had on this over the years. 1. He doesn’t have it but it’s good for extra services, 2. No, he does not have ASD, 3. Yes, he has ASD, it’s on his IEP, right? and 4. He doesn’t have ASD. OH, wait, that’s only 2 opinions. The doctors (1, 2 and 4) and the school (3) ((Yes, this IS a sore spot with the school, even his super awesome we love them so much school!)).

They ended the day with urinalysis, EKG and bloodwork. Yes, the EKG and bloodwork sucked. I am glad I wasn’t there for these…everyone should be glad I wasn’t there for these. Mama Bear comes out to rip heads off e.v.e.r.y.t.i.m.e…and these smart and helpful people need their heads to keep doing the good work they’re doing. Even though it involves torturing small children…mostly my small child. Grrr.

I am sorry I missed the urinalysis though, it was the first time anyone has asked Caleb to pee in a cup. Eric got to hold the tiny cup. I really, really wish I could have been there taking photos of Eric as he realized Caleb didn’t know how to stop mid-stream to avoid an overflow. Those would have been frameworthy!

I was aware that there was a chance that Caleb wouldn’t be affected enough by his anxiety to qualify. When I asked Eric about this he said there wasn’t even a question that he qualified. Um, yay? I’m glad he qualified, don’t get me wrong, but it just sucks to know how obviously he struggles. It’s not something we think about daily so when we have to face it, it hurts.

The entire visit took 3 hours. Yeah, THREE hours. There was one slight hitch during the visit that added about a 1/2 hour…Caleb is study participant number 9 for this location. This may not seem like a big deal but it is a tremendously exciting milestone. You see, this is a small study location and historically they have struggled to find enough participants to even make being a study site worthwhile. In fact, it’s been so difficult that they believed that they would only be able to find 6 – 8 participants. Obviously, if Caleb is #9, they surpassed that goal which meant they had to get approval from the internal review board to change the study parameters. Permission was given earlier in the week but a slight mix-up resulted in the wrong paperwork being stamped. It took some time to clear up but they did it.

That night Eric fell asleep an hour before Caleb’s bedtime and didn’t move, except to pull the covers over himself, until the next morning. It was emotionally and physically draining. Caleb, on the other hand, was fine after he got his reward…a footlong meatball sub from Subway ((Subway! Subway! Eat fresh!)). We thought he would eat half of it at dinner and have half for lunch the following day. Saturday at lunch he at the 2nd half of my meatball sub because he finished his entire sandwich the night before. Holy moly!

So, what lies ahead for us on this new adventure?

  • Visit 1 – Start medication, complete the Vineland Assessment & behavior forms  ~2.5hrs
  • Visit 2 – Labs (bloodwork) & behavior forms  ~1hr
  • Visit 3 – Labs (urinalysis & bloodwork) & behavior forms  ~1.5 hrs
  • Visit 4 – Labs (urinalysis, bloodwork & EKG), Vineland Assessment & behavior forms  ~2.5 hrs
  • Visit 5 – Visit 5 is short if we decide to not enter the open label extension study.  Otherwise it will also be Visit 1 of the open label (treatment with arbaclofen for 2 years, visits average every 3 months)  ~2.5hrs

I think the only way we don’t do the the Open Label extension is if we have to stop this study before it is completed. We haven’t really questioned that part, it was the potential of getting the placebo that we struggled with.

Stay tuned…

 

We are at 1/4 dose and…it’s not awful!

When we decided to take Monkey off Celexa, hoping that he might qualify for the STX 209 trial, you might remember I was a little apprehensive. OK, maybe more than a “little.”

Hope, it isn’t always pretty.

I’ll be totally honest, I’m still waiting for the $hit to hit the fan but so far, so good ((And, yes, I did probably just curse us! Thank you for noticing and please send wine. Lots and LOTS of wine. Just in case.)).

We’ve tried to continue pushing Monkey a bit, while also keeping in mind that he’s dealing with a cwap load more anxiety than he has been for the last 18+ months, and he continues to impress us. We took him to the zoo this past weekend with his Grammy & Grampy Welin and he did awesome.

The Franklin Park Zoo is pretty large and open and it’s familiar so it was a good choice but it was exceptionally crowded for a few reasons:

  1. It was a beautiful sunny day.
  2. It was a beautiful sunny SATURDAY.
  3. The 39th Caribbean Festival was taking place (literally THOUSANDS of attendees, loud music (the bass could be heard very clearly at all times) and very slow traffic/weird traffic patterns.)

There were moments when he was less than thrilled but it was a typical toddler who won the award for going into “Bat$hit Crazy Meltdown” mode ((She was tiny and she had both parents struggling and racing for an exit. They could not even physically get her into her stroller. I felt really bad for them and really, REALLY glad it was not my kid!)).

He walked through a “jungle” looking at animatronic dinosaurs (moving and randomly making loud roars) very, very happily…he was enthralled, even. He visited just about every exhibit in the zoo. He played on the ridiculously huge and very crowded playground. He even went into the Tropical Forest exhibit which is inside, dark, humid and a little stinky which he never does ((We did bribe him with Ms but still, you canNOT bribe a child with FX into doing anything if they are struggling. Cold hard truth right there that so many people do not grasp.))!

Overall it was a great day and he ended his day by coming home and cuddling on the couch with Grampy. Does it get any better? Grampy, for sure, would say no 😉

The real test, most likely, will be school. Which starts next Tuesday…which also just happens to be his first day with no Celexa at all. Perfect planning, eh?

Hope, it isn’t always pretty.

Last night, as I was getting Monkey ready for bed, he looked me right in the eye and his face lit up. It was one of those perfect moments when I just knew that he loves and trusts me implicitly. Naturally, I burst into tears and after putting him down for the night I spent hours crying. Why?

Today, after much agonizing, we are starting C’s Celexa washout period. And so it begins…3 weeks of gradually reduced anxiety medication, 4 weeks of no anxiety medication and then we see if we qualify for the STX209 trial. There is no guarantee that he will qualify. If he doesn’t, that is 7 weeks of heightened anxiety for no benefit to anyone. If he does qualify, it will mean 4 1/2 months of … well … we don’t know. Maybe placebo, maybe partial doses of the study drug, maybe a full dose.

Why are we doing this? Hope. Hope that this will help him more than the Celexa has. Hope that this will help a whole lot of other kids someday. Sometimes hope is a beautiful thing and sometimes hope is swollen eyes and an aching heart. Sometimes hope is a desperate decision to just do it, even when you aren’t sure you want to.

Right now the only thing I am sure of is that I am so fucking tired of having to make decisions like this.

If you want to read more details about what is involved in the STX209 trial, read this post from last September:

STX209 – You’ve heard of it, right?

 

I only show up when I need something!

I’m not sure where my writer’s block is coming from, it’s incredibly frustrating to have so much to say and no way to get it from my brain to the screen. Perhaps more wine will help? Or perhaps less? HAHA! Ugh.

Anyway… I need something *SHOCKER*, I know.

I would like to ask each and everyone of you to go to the link below and take 30 seconds to fill it out. It will generate a letter to your members of Congress, asking them to keep the current funding, in the NIH, CDC and DoD budgets targeted at fragile X research, in place for another year.

This is the money that funds research towards a cure. Research, by the way, that is showing promise in treating Autism, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. This is the money that keeps the National Fragile X Foundation operating so that when a family, like mine, has their world rocked to the core…there is someone to help them figure out how to find a new normal.

I’d like you to take one minute and look at your child. Imagine for a moment that he or she has Fragile X Syndrome. Imagine for one moment that you DID THAT to him or her. Imagine for one moment that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to fix it. You can fight the school and insurance company for therapy and it will help, it will help a lot, but it won’t FIX IT. Nothing will fix it.

Now, tell me why, when we are getting close to medications that can FIX IT, you won’t send a letter telling them not to stop short of the goal line?

Send a Letter!

UPDATE! As of 11am we have…2,220 letters total (That’s up 175 letters from 9 AM!!) 82 Senators and 255 Reps (almost 60% of House) have heard from us. We need more letters especially in ID, LA, HI, UT, VT, MT (we only have 1 from each) and DE, AK, NV (we have 0 from these states).

Please write a letter even if your state isn’t listed here…we’re still missing some Senators and Reps from other states!

If you don’t know what to write for the Personal Statement you can say “I have friends who are affected by fragile X syndrome.